Another phone call

Here we go again.

Phone has just rung -

Me: 'Hello'

Caller: 'Good morning, dis is da Vindows Help centre, vee vish to help you'

Me: 'Can you please speak English?'

Caller: 'Good morning, dis is da Vindows Help centre, vee vish to help you'

Me:  'Ah, I understand - vy are you speaking English vith me?'

C: ' I am speaking English vith you, I vont you to listen carefully'

Me: 'Don't tell me that you are going to say this only vunce'

C:  'Vot id dis vunce?'

Me: 'Sorry, continue vith vot you vere saying'

C:' I'm having difficulty with vot you are saying'

Me: 'So am i trying to speak your language while you try to speak mine'

C: 'Your Vindows are having problems, vee are to hilp you with dat'

Me: 'Vot is Vindows?  I do not have Vindows'

C: 'Our records say dat you do have Vindows'

Me: 'No, I do not have Vindows, why are you not listening,'

C: 'Your Vindows is in trouble, I vill put dat right for you, please to follow my instructions'

Me: 'Vy do I need to follow your instructions ven I do not have Vindows?

C: 'I know dat you have Vindows, now please do as I ask'

Me: 'You know nothing, vy should I do vot you say?'

C: 'Because I am helping you, now please press Control Alt F.  Vot do you see?'

Me: Same as alvays on the screen ven I'm in Facebook'

C:  'Facebook?  Vy Facebook?  You have pressed da wrong keys'

Me: 'No I have not pressed da wrong keys'

C:  You  are not helping me, make it very difficult as you do not speak English'

Me: 'No I vill not speak English until you do'

C: Vy are you being this vay, I must help you'

Me: 'You really vant to help me?'

C: 'Yes I vant to'

Me: 'Vell that's good, you can help me'

C: Vunderful.  Please press da keys as I asked'

M: 'Oh, I get vot you are saying, you know that I have Vindows'

C: 'No, not Vindows, Vindows'

Me: 'Vot if tell you that I have a vunderful Mac?'

C: 'A Mac? Vee do not know dat.  Vy do you need a Mac?'

Me: 'Because ven I go out in da rain I do not vont to get vet'

C: 'Vy are we talking about macs, you have Vindows'

Me: 'I also have little patience vith unvelcome callers, now please press the following keys - F - U - C- K -'

For some strange reason my caller then hung up ...