Phone call

This was a phone conversation at home just a few minutes ago.

Phone rings, put laptop down to answer phone.  Indian voice à la Peter Sellers: 'Good morning, this is the technical department of Windows ...'

Me - 'I do not want any double glazing ...'

PS -' No, no, no, this is Windows technical department ...'

Me - 'I know how to open and close Windows and how to clean them, I do not need any technical advice.'

PS - 'I at technical department of Windows know that you are having problems ...'

Me - 'No problems  with my windows, they open, close and I can see out of them ...'

PS - 'I at Windows must help you with your Windows ...'

Me - 'Good, are you coming round to clean them for me then?'

PS - 'I will clean Windows so that you have no more problems ...'

Me - 'Waste of time, I did them yesterday ...'

PS -' No, you are not understanding, I here to help you ...'

Me -' Really?'

PS - I help, please open your computer ...'

Me - 'That's difficult.'

PS - 'Not difficult, just open your computer please ...'

Me - 'It is difficult as I cannot reach my computer from the phone.'

PS - 'Why difficult, just open your computer...'

Me - ' I can't as the phone lead is not long enough ...'

PS - 'Can you move your computer to the phone ...'

Me - 'Why?'

PS - 'So that I can help your problems ...'

Me - 'I can move my computer ...'

PS - 'Can you move your computer now please ...'

Me - 'I said that I can ...'

PS - 'Have you moved it?'

Me - 'No'

PS - 'Please move your computer now ...'

Me - 'Do you not understand English?'

PS - 'I am speaking English'

Me - 'I'll teach you some new English words ...'

PS - 'I know English, I do not need new English words ...'

Me - 'Listen carefully, are you listening?'

PS - 'I must help you with Windows ...'

Me - 'Just two new English words please ...'

PS -' Two? Then I help you?'

Me - 'Yes, just two.  F%%K OFF'

End of conversation.

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Yes, here in France we also get these nuisance calls about Windows problems that we are not having!  What amazes me, to a degree, is that presumably my number was picked at random from a phone directory yet the first words spoken by the caller are in English, admittedly with a Peter Sellers type accent.  Given the law of probabilities what is the chance of alighting upon an English speaker?  Pretty remote I guess!