So here we are, another morning in France, bluish sky, warmish, quiet everywhere except a multitude of various birds singing away. Just had breakfast and now on my second coffee of the day, what better way start to a day ...
Right, let’s check emails, bound to be some because I haven’t been online since early yesterday evening because last night’s tele was good, Channel 4 News, University Challenge, Raymond Blanc, second part of Waking the Dead. Ah, laptop is shut, cats must have been having a riot in the sitting room last night. Open laptop, press button to show emails, about twenty or so, last one in at 0258 hrs. That seems a bit strange not to have had any since then, check for net connection. No connection so that is probably the reason for lack of emails then.
Needs must investigate the lack of internet, check that modem lights are all on, so far so good. Check physical connections, all fine. The obvious answer is that a download update happened some time in the wee small hours and the machine has not rebooted properly, answer is to reboot then. See how sharp I am at this time of day ...
Reboot finished, no connection. Try to force a connection with no joy so use Microsoft’s wonderful solution finder. Brilliant, tells me that there is not a problem, I know darn well that there is as I have no internet access. Occasionally in the past after a forced reboot the thing does not connect so usually having tried all of the usual and obvious remedies perhaps a system restore will do the trick as it usually has previously.
So we go through the system restore procedure, a process which can take a quarter of an hour or so. Second cup of coffee is gone so an opportune moment for another to help soothe slightly frayed nerves and disposition.
Hooray, restore is complete! Check connection – none. Hmmm, scratch head and other parts. Try to force a connection with no joy. Try Microsoft’s diagnostic thingy, more in hope than anticipation – blasted thing is adamant that there is not a problem – liar.
OK, let’s try another system restore point in the hope that the chosen one may have been a tad dodgy for some reason best known to itself. Time passes ...
Another twenty minutes or so has elapsed and another restore is complete according to the onscreen message. Check all vital signs, still no darned connection. Repeat all of the diagnostics etc which still show no problem.
Desperation stakes now, try another restore wasting yet another chunk of time ...
Aaarrghh! Nothing, zilch, rien, sod all except the same reassuring message that all is well. The way that thing lies so blatantly it could pass for a government minister.
Suddenly my neighbour Simon appears at the door enquiring if I have internet this morning, he uses the same provider Wimax. Apparently he too has spent the last one and a half hours or so trying establish a connection. The conclusion is that there must be a network fault.
Nowt else to do but wait patiently for the network boffins to sort it out. There is a minor snag now as it has just turned mid-day. So why is that a snag you may ask. Well, simples. This is France and it is lunch time, nationally. Not just grab a quick sarnie from the local deli or eat at your desk, oh no. Lunch is at least a two hour affair, more often three taken away from your desk in a nice little restaurant offering a three or four course €11 menu. The average French worker just has such a hard life ...
So what is there to do? Obvious is it not? Have lunch and then start waiting patiently again after three o’clock.
Wait patiently did I say? Oh yes, connection eventually made just after 1800 this evening. No explanation of course but then that’s my fault for living in France ...
