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Tuesday 16 September 2014

Dateline Paris - 15 September 2014

A 'Summit' of forty or so Foreign Ministers ended yesterday evening with a magnificent banquet hosted by the French President. The assembled throng were ostensibly meeting during the day to formulate measures to counter the Isis terrorists. It was agreed that nations should co-operate in this but no firm decision was taken as to what this should be or when it may happen.

Yet another expensive, inconclusive gab-fest. If meetings were actions this band of murderous thugs iin the name of Islam would have been totally destroyed a good while ago. In the meantime the terrorists sword hangs over the neck of Alan Henning and probably a number of other humanitarian workers.

Cameron said yesterday that this poor wretch cannot be rescued as his precise whereabouts is unknown, it would seem that no effort is being made to locate and rescue him. Cameron and his henchman must bear the responsibility if this unfortunate is killed because due to their collective lack of balls, backbone, willingness determination to do anything except wring their hands, look pious and talk they are just as guilty for this Hennen's fate as surely as if they were to wield the terrorist sword.

What of Cameron yesterday during the talk-but-no-action meeting in Paris? Ah yes, he was in Scotland trying to save his political neck in the forthcoming referendum for Scottish independence, addressing meetings, pressing flesh, making crocodile tear speeches. He expended much effort yesterday in a last minute desperate, grovelling attempt to persuade the Scots to save his bacon, it's a shame that his energy was totally wasted in Scotland rather than the Middle east.

Shame on you Cameron and your henchman, shame on Clegg & Company as well as Milliband and his pseudo Tory Labour party for remaining dumb about Syria, Iraq and Isis when they should be pressurising the unelected Prime Minister for immediate action.

Another phone call

Here we go again.

Phone has just rung -

Me: 'Hello'

Caller: 'Good morning, dis is da Vindows Help centre, vee vish to help you'

Me: 'Can you please speak English?'

Caller: 'Good morning, dis is da Vindows Help centre, vee vish to help you'

Me:  'Ah, I understand - vy are you speaking English vith me?'

C: ' I am speaking English vith you, I vont you to listen carefully'

Me: 'Don't tell me that you are going to say this only vunce'

C:  'Vot id dis vunce?'

Me: 'Sorry, continue vith vot you vere saying'

C:' I'm having difficulty with vot you are saying'

Me: 'So am i trying to speak your language while you try to speak mine'

C: 'Your Vindows are having problems, vee are to hilp you with dat'

Me: 'Vot is Vindows?  I do not have Vindows'

C: 'Our records say dat you do have Vindows'

Me: 'No, I do not have Vindows, why are you not listening,'

C: 'Your Vindows is in trouble, I vill put dat right for you, please to follow my instructions'

Me: 'Vy do I need to follow your instructions ven I do not have Vindows?

C: 'I know dat you have Vindows, now please do as I ask'

Me: 'You know nothing, vy should I do vot you say?'

C: 'Because I am helping you, now please press Control Alt F.  Vot do you see?'

Me: Same as alvays on the screen ven I'm in Facebook'

C:  'Facebook?  Vy Facebook?  You have pressed da wrong keys'

Me: 'No I have not pressed da wrong keys'

C:  You  are not helping me, make it very difficult as you do not speak English'

Me: 'No I vill not speak English until you do'

C: Vy are you being this vay, I must help you'

Me: 'You really vant to help me?'

C: 'Yes I vant to'

Me: 'Vell that's good, you can help me'

C: Vunderful.  Please press da keys as I asked'

M: 'Oh, I get vot you are saying, you know that I have Vindows'

C: 'No, not Vindows, Vindows'

Me: 'Vot if tell you that I have a vunderful Mac?'

C: 'A Mac? Vee do not know dat.  Vy do you need a Mac?'

Me: 'Because ven I go out in da rain I do not vont to get vet'

C: 'Vy are we talking about macs, you have Vindows'

Me: 'I also have little patience vith unvelcome callers, now please press the following keys - F - U - C- K -'

For some strange reason my caller then hung up ...